Your decision, my decision, our decision

3 PRINCIPLES FOR DECISION-MAKING IN RELATIONSHIP

Anyone who has ever tried to make a decision – small or big – with their partner knows how difficult it is. Why is it so hard? When you are single, your decisions are your own; they only require personal buy-in and typically they have very little impact on other people.

When you’re in a committed relationship, on the other hand, decisions require buy-in from both parties, and nearly every decision you make has an impact on your partner.

DECISIONS: SINGLE VS. COUPLE

Once two people enter into a relationship, the number of decisions they should make on their own decreases significantly because their respective decision circles overlap. In order to maintain a  healthy relationship, each partner must at least consider their spouse when making decisions.

However, the degree to which your two decision circles overlap is entirely up to you and your partner, and it is different for every couple. If one or both partners are making excessive unilateral decisions, then, sooner or later, the relationship will suffer.

ONE COUPLE’S STRUGGLE WITH DECISION-MAKING

A while ago, I worked with a couple at one of our marriage retreats. It became clear to me early on that they struggled with joint decision-making. When I showed the wife the way decision-making as a couple was so intertwined, she winced. So, despite her strong desire to improve the relationship with her husband, she could not let go of her desire for complete freedom, and, ultimately, she chose to end the marriage.

HOW DECISION-MAKING BUILDS CONNECTION AND TRUST

It doesn’t always end this way. I’ve also worked with couples who had been making excessive unilateral decisions but were able to correct their course and save their marriage. Another couple, after turmoil, coordinated their schedules, committed to regular date nights, and checked in with each other multiple times a day and that brought their relationship to a higher level.

Color Crystal Chakra Singing Bowl Throat Chakra 🔷
Note G - for better decision making

HOW DECISION-MAKING BUILDS CONNECTION AND TRUST

It doesn’t always end this way. I’ve also worked with couples who had been making excessive unilateral decisions but were able to correct their course and save their marriage. Another couple, after turmoil, coordinated their schedules, committed to regular date nights, and checked in with each other multiple times a day and that brought their relationship to a higher level.

Each decision you as a couple can successfully make together brings you closer to each other – deepens the connection and increases the level of trust that you are looking out for each other, putting each other’s needs equal to your own. When you begin to operate as if your partner’s needs are your own and take full responsibility for their feelings, then you have achieved a three-dimensional relationship.This is the most evolved and sustainable level of a relationship and is where we should strive to be.

Color Crystal Chakra Singing Bowl Solar Plexus Chakra ☀️
Note E - stay in touch with your desires and improve choice making

THREE PRINCIPLES FOR JOINT DECISION-MAKING

Now you’re ready to make all these decisions as a couple, right? Not so fast. To effectively take action, there are three principles that you must live by as you go through the process:

Communication - Understand one another’s perspective. Make sure they understand that their input is valuable and contributes significantly to the outcome, the final decision.

Respect - When your partner makes his or her own decisions, you must openly and wholeheartedly respect their judgment and allow them the freedom to succeed or fail on their own.

Trustworthiness - When making your own decisions, you must consistently show your partner that you can make good decisions on your own.

As long as you both communicate with each other, respect one another, and individually make trustworthy decisions, your relationship will grow stronger and flourish.

Color Crystal Chakra Singing Bowl Heart Chakra 💚
Note F - open yourself to love, compassion, forgiveness 

Ultimately, the personal decisions we make define who we are. They are the difference between success and failure.  When the foundation of a relationship is built upon the pillars of communication, respect, and trust, then it is bound to succeed.